warning if easily offended please don't read

Hi all I thought i'd post this as a community warning so to speak. Let me start by saying despite not shooting Sunday I had a fantastic weekend. By Tuesday my man bits were sore and causing me some discomfort . A quick check of the area told me they were hot and felt swollen. I tried really hard to have a look but a complete lack of flexibility and middle age spread made that impossible.As far as flexible goes genetics and sporting injuries mean that I can't even touch my toes, actually I get excited when I can reach my knees. I have worked out that middle aged spread is natures way of lowering my center of gravity which in turn helps me to stay up-right as I waddle around on 2 unstable legs.It also means that anything south of the navel is simply below the horizon. Now as I lent forward to try and see the problem, the problem area moved backwards allowing it to still stay below the horizon. Not to be out done by this small problem I marched into the bathroom for a look in the mirror. Now the mirror is over the sink, my eyesight is crap so I still can't see properly all though the said equipment does look about as red as my cars taillights. There is now nothing else I can do except find the good wife and ask for help, so of  I go, pants around the knees shirt held up and offending area out there, I spy her ladyship at the computer and call out she turns and makes a rather funny sound, and muttered something that sounded like "not now I'm to busy" Not knowing what she was mumbling about, I marched up put the offending area as close as I dare and asked for an opinion re the swelling She then asked how she was supposed to know, I was expecting a bit much as it was over 40 years since she had last looked that closely. After much begging I finally heard a satisfied hum! and she pronounced yep there are 2 ticks in residence, stand still. Next thing I know my scrotum is being bathed in a liberal amount of fluid, for half a second this brought back happy memories of 40 years ago, then the slow but intense burn started. What the heck was that I inquired. Stop complaining I was told. Through tear filled eyes, I caught a glimpse of flashing stainless steel. The longest sharpest and biggest pair of tweezers I have ever seen rapidly disappeared below the horizon, followed by 2 tugs. I stood there somewhat shaken by all this, my pants had dropped to my ankles, the burning told me that my man bits and I were still attached to each other and the tears were slowly drying up. At this point she who must be obeyed, told me to move off as I was interfering with here game of scrabble and she was only 100 points ahead. Moral of this rant check carefully for ticks.
cheers Tea Bag